Author Topic: Simple Hymn Tune  (Read 133 times)

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Timothy01

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Simple Hymn Tune
« on: May 20, 2020, 01:53:01 AM »
Hi everyone,
I've written a simple hymn tune. I would appreciate any feedback.
Thanks!

Michel.R.E

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2020, 08:41:38 AM »
the first thing to know is, are there lyrics to this?
what is the intent of the piece?

(by the way, it's ok if it's just a harmony exercise, but it helps to know how exactly our comments will be aimed. but understand that if this is school work, it is inappropriate for us to comment on it.)
"Writing music to be revolutionary is like cooking to be famous: Music’s main function is not revolution. – Alan Belkin "

"Saying something new about something old is still saying something new. – Jamie Kowalski"

mjf1947

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2020, 09:01:37 AM »
Timothy,

Welcome to the forum and submitting a work for review.

It's great to get young composers to share their experiences.

How did you come to this work?  Is it an exercise as Michel suggested?

What would you like to accomplish?

By the way is this written for a church group or activity?

If so, then as Michel suggested the words to the hymn would help us help you .... since there is a skill involved placing words with notes and musical lines.

Looking forward to hear from you.

Mark

 

« Last Edit: May 20, 2020, 09:30:02 AM by mjf1947 »

gogreen

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2020, 09:07:54 AM »
A playback file would be convenient.

mjf1947

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2020, 09:27:52 AM »
Art,

I made a mp3 of the file.

Mark

gogreen

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2020, 04:45:06 PM »
Thanks. Yeah, Timothy01 needs to answer your questions.

Timothy01

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2020, 12:08:00 AM »
Thanks for your feedback. This was written as a congregational hymn, not as an exercise. Here is the work with the lyrics, to give some context. Sorry for my oversight in not attaching a playback file :(.

I would have come back sooner, only there is a substantial time zone difference. My apologies for the delay.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2020, 01:05:05 AM by Timothy01 »

SallyS

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2020, 01:54:48 AM »
Hi Timothy,
Welcome to the forum.
I think this is a successful hymn. It perhaps might be more successful if you have an up beat at the start of each verse. Words like 'From' 'A'' 'And' etc should not be emphasised on the strong down beat. You use the up beat successfully in phrase 3 and 4, so perhaps try that for the start of each verse. Just watch out for verse 5 though, as that is good already and doesn't need the up beat note.  Similarly for all the second phrases... I think you could use the up beat in bar 4.
In the third to last bar, you have the climax of the song. I think you could use a dotted minim for the strong beat.... so 'King' 'night' etc become the focus.
I hope that makes sense. If not... I can explain further. :)
Sally

Timothy01

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2020, 07:16:37 AM »
Thanks for the tips, Sally. They're a real help. I've attached a revised version.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2020, 07:51:50 AM by Timothy01 »

SallyS

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #9 on: May 22, 2020, 12:48:14 AM »
Hi again Timothy. That's much better and makes so much more sense of the words. Personally, for verse 5, I would have left it as it was. I don't think people singing would find it a problem to drop the up beat. It happens in many hymns. 'Life's' is a difficult word to sing quickly. It might feel like a one syllable word but the singer has to get through three bits....'li-' 'fe' and 's' .... Which becomes quite awkward at speed. But I also think it's an important word in the line and therefore should be on the down beat to emphasise it. Along those lines too, I think the hymn should have just a slightly slower tempo to give the singers a little more time to articulate the lyrics.
If you wanted to develop the hymn further you could write a second part for the 2nd, 4th and 6th verses..... Something that moves in to the dominant or relative minor but returning to the tonic. But it does work as it stands so perhaps you want to move on to your next project. It might be nice though for the sopranos to have a descant on the last verse? Have fun!! 😀

gogreen

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #10 on: May 22, 2020, 06:02:30 AM »
Nice work, Timothy. Overall, this hymn works very well. You might consider some voice leading suggestions. For instance, in measure 7, let the tenors sing the "B" above the top line while giving the "D" to the altos. That would complete the G MAJ 7 chord. In measures 13-14, I might have rearranged the notes to let the soprano voice stays on the B-C#-D line, but change the voice leading so that the other voices descend. And in measure 7, why the octave jump in the bass line? Same bass line jump question in the next-to-last measure.

Nice, Timothy. You should do more along these lines!

Art

Jerry Engelbach

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #11 on: May 22, 2020, 07:36:10 AM »
Timothy,
 
Continuing along the lines of what others have suggested ...
 
In bar 10, on the words "long?" The ...," the second half is a D chord, and you could turn it into a D7 going to the next G chord. Instead of D in the alto voice you could use C natural.
 
Cheers,
Jer
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Timothy01

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #12 on: May 22, 2020, 07:50:28 AM »
Thanks everyone. I appreciate your suggestions. The octave jumps in the bass line were to avoid parallel octaves between the tenor and the bass. Changing the voice leading in bar 7 (as you suggested, Art) resolves that problem there. I'm still a bit unsure about how to fix bar 15.

Timothy01

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Re: Simple Hymn Tune
« Reply #13 on: May 23, 2020, 01:50:05 AM »
Thanks again, everyone. Finally...