Author Topic: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano  (Read 685 times)

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mjf1947

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Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« on: March 12, 2019, 02:07:15 PM »
Here's another work done many many "moons" ago.  ;)

The original work was very bloated.  :P

So here is an edited version with a couple of tweaks along the way.  :angel:

Comments appreciated.  ;D

Mark

RJB54

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2019, 06:51:05 AM »
A pleasant little piece.

I think you should consider reworking this with more elaborate harmonies in the piano part. Throughout I was feeling that this could make a nice impressionist piece with juicy 11th and 13th chords in the piano.
Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is THE BEST.
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mjf1947

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2019, 10:44:12 AM »
Thanks for the review.  Interesting suggestion .....  I didn't think of this piece as "impressionistic" although there are definitely moments that emanate such a feeling.

I have attached some changes I made to the closing of the piece.

I beefed up some parts and again deleted a measure for better flow.

Mark

PS: I started to play with the "juicy" 11th and 13th chords .. it does enhance the work.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2019, 10:58:34 AM by mjf1947 »

Jerry Engelbach

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2019, 11:24:02 AM »
I think it's terrific, Mark.
 
I was going to suggest that perhaps the return to the main theme at bar 36 could use more preparation.
 
But I see now from your attachment that you've relegated it to the left hand of the piano, so I'm not so sure.
 
Cheers,
Jer
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mjf1947

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2019, 12:07:15 PM »
Jer,

I did lots of editing with the piece .... and there was a return to the initial opening theme in more than one position in the composition.

The result was a loss of impact .... I did away with them.

Thanks for the review.  8)

amdg

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2019, 08:21:14 AM »
A charming piece, Mark.  I thought the overall flow was quite good.  Robert's and Jer's suggestions look like they would yield some good results, and I will be curious to see what you can do with them.

Brian

mjf1947

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2019, 01:13:56 PM »
I think it's terrific, Mark.
 
I was going to suggest that perhaps the return to the main theme at bar 36 could use more preparation.
 
But I see now from your attachment that you've relegated it to the left hand of the piano, so I'm not so sure.
 
Cheers,
Jer

I took your advice ,,,,

Mark

Jerry Engelbach

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2019, 11:16:34 AM »
It's beautiful theme.
 
Cheers,
Jer
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Patrick O'Keefe

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2019, 02:59:55 PM »
I've been away from the forum and am trying to catch up - going back and listening and looking at things I've missed.  This one I just have to stop and comment on.  What a great little piece!  Is it complete now, or are you still working on it?  There's a lot of potential there - either for a longer piece of for additional movements.

Michel.R.E

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #9 on: May 22, 2019, 07:38:51 AM »
I'm just going to comment on the piano part, for now.

Consider moving some of the material up an octave or two. Right now the piano part's range is extremely limited, all within the space of the grand staff.

How about moving both hands up into treble clef?  for example measures 25 and 27 could have both hands up (the left hand up two octaves, the right hand up one octave)
That sort of thing. just to break from the "right hand in this range, left hand in that range" pattern.

I see a bunch of spots that could benefit from some range changes, or removal of octave doubling, or both.
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mjf1947

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #10 on: May 22, 2019, 03:45:30 PM »
Michel thanks for the review.

I will re-post when I attended to all issues.  :angel:

Mark

mjf1947

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #11 on: May 23, 2019, 03:46:33 PM »
Okay ... Here's my attempt to address suggestions/issues highlighted by Michel.  :-\

Let me know how I did.  ???

Mark  :angel:

PS: I just caught the left hand Bb in measure 40 crossing the A in the right hand. 
« Last Edit: May 23, 2019, 03:57:00 PM by mjf1947 »

RJB54

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #12 on: June 01, 2019, 09:42:36 AM »
I like the new approach to the harmony it definitely adds something.

Another point though is that some of the piano writing isn't really 'pianistic' (or perhaps pianistic enough).

For example, in m.33 you have simple single note lines in both hands of the piano. You could add more lines to fill in the texture. For example add an additional line (or two) in the right hand paralleling the line you already have there. Then in the left hand over the existent bass line have a counter melody which descends in contrast to the ascending line(s) in the right hand.

Doing this sort of thing will allow for a more filled in harmonic texture.
Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is THE BEST.
Frank Zappa

mjf1947

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Re: Clouds Walk on the Moon - Oboe and Piano
« Reply #13 on: June 04, 2019, 09:14:36 AM »
I like the new approach to the harmony it definitely adds something.

Another point though is that some of the piano writing isn't really 'pianistic' (or perhaps pianistic enough).

For example, in m.33 you have simple single note lines in both hands of the piano. You could add more lines to fill in the texture. For example add an additional line (or two) in the right hand paralleling the line you already have there. Then in the left hand over the existent bass line have a counter melody which descends in contrast to the ascending line(s) in the right hand.

Doing this sort of thing will allow for a more filled in harmonic texture.

Hi ... here's some attempts to follow your suggestions............

Mark

PS: Is this composition "good enough" to post on an Oboe group page?  Is it respectable?
« Last Edit: June 04, 2019, 09:24:41 AM by mjf1947 »