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mjf1947
Silver Member
USA
322 Posts |
 Posted - 08 March 2010 : 3:10:27 PM
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Hi all you helpful critics.................
I am posting a reworked first movement.
Please tear it apart......................
Mark |
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Hal Owen
Moderator
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - 09 March 2010 : 10:20:06 AM
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I like this version a lot. The somewhat whimsical mood is sustained throughout. The articulations and dynamics help a lot to give it character. The score, however, still needs some careful tweaking. There are still entrances after rests that have no dynamic marking (bar 18 ob., bar 22 ob. and cl., bar 32 ob., bar 40 ob.). Phrase marks need to be adjusted so they do not interfere with other markings (bar 34, bar 38). Dynamics should not hit the bar line (bar 34, move them to the right a bit).
Hairpins (little cresc. and dim. marks) don't give enough information. Generally, the player must know at what dynamic level to begin a cresc. or dim. and at what level to end it. For example, in bar 2 how much louder should the oboe become, and where? Probably forte on beat 1 of bar 3. Will the oboe remain at forte until bar 8? Will the oboe begin bar 9 piano or mezzo forte? In bar 14 what is the oboe's ending dynamic level? Little short swells do not usually need extra dynamic marks (bar 37).
Several other picky details: Bar 1 oboe, half rest then quarter rest. Same for clarinet in bar 2. Bar 12 move the hairpin up above the beam. Bar 17 oboe whole rest. Bar 25 Cl. half rest, not 2 quarter rests. Bar 31 oboe whole rest. Bar 46 half rest, not 2 quarter rests. Bar 56 Cl. move hairpin down a bit. Bar 60 Ob.,move mf to beat 2.Bar 61 whole rest.
It's essential to have your notation as perfect as possible. If it isn't players (and teachers or conductors, etc) will either think you are careless or you don't know any better. This little piece is too nice to be spoiled by notation errors.
Hal |
Harold Owen
mailto:hjowen@uoregon.edu
Visit my web site at:
http://uoregon.edu/~hjowen |
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ronan
Administrator
Canada
2103 Posts |
Posted - 09 March 2010 : 2:38:42 PM
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Hi Mark,
I like this. The playfulness comes through in this version.
There are a few small problems I noticed in addition to what Hal pointed out: be careful with accidentals. For example, in measures 17-18 you have this passage in the bassoon: B# - C - B#. These notes are enharmonically the same. You've got this little figure in a few places throughout the score. In measure 29 you have: A - G# - A - Ab - G#--again, the Ab and G# are enharmonically the same pitch.
Generally speaking, unless the harmonic environment calls for it, try to keep accidentals to a minimum. Severl times you have things like: A - Ab - An, when A - G# - A is not only one less accidental, but clearer to the performer.
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reworked movement 1 Trio oboe, Clarinet, Bassoon
