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mjf1947
Silver Member
USA
322 Posts |
 Posted - 05 March 2010 : 06:16:33 AM
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Okay,
I tried to delayer - the work to make it better. I also edited it - and changed some harmonic structure................
I like it - but does it cut the mustard?
Please tear it apart!
It is the second movement of the trio - a melancholy mood in contrast to the first movement which is upbeat with some humor.
Mark |
Edited by - mjf1947 on 05 March 2010 06:19:35 AM |
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qccowboy
Platinum Member
Canada
1842 Posts |
Posted - 05 March 2010 : 07:06:48 AM
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So far, I like the opening. It is nice and airy.
watch the notation at measure 23, oboe part... wrong wrong wrong! (one slur, from the A to the D. NEVER slur to a note that is tied beyond the slur. slurs always go to the final note of a tied pair).
measure 36, why did you slur the clarinet part (D to D)? or did you mean to use a tie instead? use a tie, not a slur, and the slur on the next beat, well, pull it BACK one beat to the 1st note.
measure 43.. you have a HUUUGE slur over the oboe part, with a bunch of little slurs under underneath. no need for the large slur.
the main notational problem is the slurs. when a slur starts from a pair of tied notes, or ends at a pair of tied notes, it MUST go to the "most distant note".
So if it starts at a pair of tied notes, it should start with the 1st of the pair.
If the slur ends on a pair of tied notes, it MUST go to the last note that is tied.
And be careful about using slurs instead of ties. I notice that happening quite a bit in the score.
If what I wrote doesn't make sense... blame the phone, I got a bunch of business calls while I was trying to write this.
Oh, and GREAT music, I thought it was really pretty. I liked it a great deal. |
"Writing music to be revolutionary is like cooking to be famous: Music’s main function is not revolution. – Alan Belkin "
"String Quartet: noun. a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates violinists, getting together to complain about composers."
Michel R. Edward
compositeur
Crabtree, Québec
www.dosblanc.ca |
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mjf1947
Silver Member
USA
322 Posts |
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Hal Owen
Moderator
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - 05 March 2010 : 11:36:15 AM
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Mark,
It's a very lovely movement - quite pastoral in mood. It's a nice example of modal writing, D Mixolydian. It would be nicer if you had a few nods towards other tonics and perhaps other modes (A Lydian, for example).
Michel has given you good advice regarding slurs and ties. Another area that needs your attention is that of dynamics. Players would probably play the whole movement mezzo forte with a little variety responding to the small hairpins. The following rule is pretty standard: Show the dynamic level at the beginning for each instrument. Show the dynamic level after for instruments that come in after as few as 2 bars of rest. Some dynamic contrasts would enliven the movement. For example, the clarinet at the beginning could be marked mf. The answering oboe and bassoon could be marked mp. When the oboe takes up a new phrase, it could begin mf and increast to forte. There could be a general decresc. beginning in bar 33 down to piano by bar 38 (although low oboe tends to want to play louder in its low register.
In bar 57 the tempo marking is unnecessary unless there had been a different tempo preceeding it.
One other thing that would help: The Garritan Ambience is too much for the delicate ensemble. I would decrease the room size and increase the dry gain a bit.
Hal |
Harold Owen
mailto:hjowen@uoregon.edu
Visit my web site at:
http://uoregon.edu/~hjowen |
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mjf1947
Silver Member
USA
322 Posts |
Posted - 05 March 2010 : 1:31:03 PM
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Hal,
Thanks for the review,
I know I left out the dynamic markers - I was skittish and didn't want to clutter the score - I thought, mistakenly - the players would intuitive know what to do! I will definitely put them in .....
As for the moving to another tonic center - for me that is somewhat of a challenge - I did consider it and I played with it - but wasn't too successful maybe because I was not experienced enough to move the harmony to the new tonic.
Suggestions?
I will change the ambience of the room. I didn't realize it but I was using the midi selection - ........
With much thanks .....................
Mark
PS: Hal - thanks for being sensitive to the Oboist! Please remember, that a well maintained instrument and a good reed - enables one to play softly in the low register - . |
Edited by - mjf1947 on 05 March 2010 1:48:11 PM |
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flint
Silver Member
USA
120 Posts |
Posted - 05 March 2010 : 6:17:14 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mjf1947
I know I left out the dynamic markers - I was skittish and didn't want to clutter the score - I thought, mistakenly - the players would intuitive know what to do!
Never, ever do this. It is a horrible, horrible mistake. |
Dave Mc., aka "Flint"
"How awful that the artist has become nothing but the after-dinner mint of society" – Samuel Barber |
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Reworked - Trio for oboe, clarinet, bassoon
